A Hello...You Know, The Same One Everyone Gets

I'm the mystery new blogger Sarah mentioned a few days ago, Jesse. I'll be here to provide a different perspective from Sarah on the vagaries of OkCupid, as I'm both male and...well, male. Sarah and I are 92% matches on Match, which I think means we're the same person.

Having been on OkCupid for all of a week, I feel as if it is imperative on me to comment on the issue which most heavily dominates my conversations.

Namely, what I do in the city in which I live on weekends, and whether or not it includes going out with friends.

This exchange has come up multiple times. It's an inexplicably contentless exchange, going something like this:

"Jesse,

I do [a job] in [a city], and I [like/dislike] it.

What do you do on the weekends in Ann Arbor?

[Lady-Person]"

I then reply, thinking this is a serious question.

"[Lady-Person],

It varies, really. The past few weekends have been tailgate-heavy, because the purpose of law school seems to be to act like you're in high school living out what you think it was like to be in college. I started doing jigsaw puzzles a few weeks ago, because why wouldn't I? I also started a small dinner club with a couple of friends.

What about you?

Jesse"

The following reply inexorably trudges towards my Inbox, plopping itself in the middle of the conversational space like a stranger who just got back from running a half marathon without deodorant and doesn't quite remember where they live, but is sitting on your couch and wants to know what you're doing tonight:

"I like to hang out with my friends! We have a lot of fun!

Do you do that?"

I have a question. A simple one, really: who thinks this is actual conversation?

Am I some sort of social reprobate who's going to write back and tell you that I like to sit around and sniff my hair collection? Did the tailgate and dinner club, for instance, not clue you in that I do social things with other people? Should I put up a picture of me doing an ice luge at a frat house? Doing an ice luge at your house with my friends while you aren't home?

Now, the interesting thing is what happens when you answer the question in the affirmative. Either you're asked about the bars you drink at, which is generally summarized by "the open ones people want to go to", or you're regaled with stories about how fucked up the person you're talking to got last weekend.

I appreciate legendary drinking stories as much as the next person. Really, I do. But the natural endpoint of electronic flirtation with someone you're hoping put up pictures taken after Bush left office (either one) shouldn't be a story of how close that person came to vomiting on Columbus Day.

Unless it's a really good story that involves actually vomiting on Christopher Columbus, of course.