I Think I'm in LOVE

Conventional wisdom is that women are often attracted to unavailable men. I think this might be the strategy that Johnm4u is going for and if so it is brilliant:

My self-summary:

I am going to be short. I don't have anything that I can offer to any women. I have taken upon myself to be single for six months. Not what you want to hear. I am putting my life back together, by myself. If you are still reading this stop and look at someone elses.

The first thing people notice about me:

Don't really care what people notice.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

nothing, why think about doing something do it, and stop reading the rest of this profile.

The last question is what makes me convinced this is a clever strategic ploy.

You should message me if:
If you made it this far, your probably thinking I can help this guy...I don't want help, I am happy for right now...If you are that persistant message me, but don't get your hopes up.'


Is it just me or does this guy sound GREAT!?!

MOST freaky yet

Read this:

Don't press the red button
Nice to meet you. As you can guess, I saw your profile and wanted to offer my two cents. You can also check my profile out as well for a better idea of the man behind the message.

Anyhow! This may sound like a cliche, but I am a nice, normal, safe, sane guy with a hidden dark streak of eroticism. For some reason woman feel really comfortable talking to me and telling me their most intimate desires. Maybe it's because I am a good listener. I don't know, but if you are a sexual submissive who would like to explore some of your desires I believe I am the perfect friend for you. I am very busy with work and too busy for drama, much like yourself. I can be that someone you trust and get together with on occasion. I can help you unleash your 'inner slut.' If it evolves, possibly more.


I have been described as an angel with a wicked smile. Someone who is nice but emits a mysterious and mischievous aura. I will make you feel perfectly safe in my presence as I will respect and abide by all limits given to me. .


So what do you think? Shall we chat more?

His profile is even worse:
Here's the opening paragraph of his My self-summary section:

Some men are gentle and some men are mean. Some girls want to be treated like delicate little flowers, and some girls need to be fucked rough like dirty whores. Some men would never lay a hand on a pretty young girl, and some men know that sometimes a girl needs a spanking, needs to be slapped, needs to be held down and used. It doesn't take a dominant or a sadist to understand what a girl might need. And you don't have to be submissive to yearn for a man to put you in your place.

Some girls make it a point of pride to always be in control, and some girls don't mind being made to beg.

Guess which type of man I am? Guess which type of girl I'm looking for?

Somehow I have a feeling this is not going to turn out well for the girl involved, as his profile screams shrilly "I'm a sexual predator." This is really the dark underbelly of OKCupid right here, please just go back to Craigs List buddy.

and here's to you Mrs Robinson

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WWSKD?

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Pathetic Guys Finish Last

It's 2011 and as promised I have reactivated my OkCupid account for the time being and boy am I glad I did. 5 minutes in and I already have material for a whole new blog post as I just received a message from a 25 year old guy from Monroe, Michigan containing the following:
I love movies and can probably recite every line from a few from memory. I also love music especially live music. I am fun, outgoing, and my most common description from my friends is that I am a " great guy". Nice guys finish last in my experience though. Who knows maybe you'll prove me wrong!

Apparently this guy thinks this is a pretty good line as he also uses it in his The first things people usually notice about me section:
Most people say that I am a really genuinely nice guy but I think nice guys must finish last when it comes to dating because I have had some bad luck! Maybe you can prove me wrong!

Not to sound hyper-critical and bitchy (oh whatever) but this is just pathetic. There is nothing less appealing (besides repeated mentions of Dungeons & Dragons) than self-proclaimed nice guys complaining about their luck with women. If your message is any indicator you are "finishing last" not because you are a "great guy" but because you are a passive aggressive doormat who is unable to even project self-confidence on the internet.

I also don't think it would work out, I'm not sure how I feel about "music" I think I just "like" it.

I'm baaaaaaack (for now)

Finals are here, and I of course being a very efficient utilizer of time thought now would be the perfect occasion for a blog update.

I'm still deactivated until 2011 (which makes this whole thing sound rather dramatic) but fortunately Maia isn't and even more fortunately she is still receiving creepy messages from weirdos. Case in point, see the follwoing sent from a 44 year old bisexual man from Petoskey Michigan.

if'n

Dec. 15, 2010 – 4:07pm

If I could stand bad TV, then would ask you out for a slice of pie, which you probably wouldn't be inclined to do with somebody living in the distant tundra and approaching its hundredth birthday. If, if, and if you even get this through your filters. I will be in A2 next week and there til new years if you're looking for somebody to walk barefoot through Eberwhite Woods with...

~kev

Kev loves "learning languages" and you can tell by the occasional Spanish word peppered throughout his profile (like "mis pasatiempos"). He also describes himself as adventurous, engaged and egalitarian." Not sure exactly what he means by "egalitarian" in the context of a dating website. 

His response to the "What am I doing with my life?" is Enjoying the adventure called "life". I'm a bit confused by the quotation marks. 

Gandhi (and people who love treacle cliches) would be very proud of his, what I am assuming is not ironic, answer to the "I'm really good at" section which is "opening doors of opportunity, and being the change I want to see in the world."

The worst and in my opinion most unforgivable part of the entire profile is his answer to the "you should message me if" section: open to meeting strangers, hearing their stories, learning from their stories, living, living, and living actively, not in front of a TV, but engaging in conversation, preferable with drinks and maybe even smoky treats........ if you desire to expand your horizons.

Thanks Kev you have provided me even more evidence for my theory about the direct correlation between being snotty about television and being an insufferable douchebag.

Guest Blogger Jenna: Autism

I've been up since 430am today. It's awful. I've stopped sleeping because I get anxious I'll oversleep and lose my job which (a) wouldnt happen, (b) is insane, (c) so, so insane. luckily okcupid.com is open at 4am, so i can still surf the web for hotties.

let's talk about emoticons for a second. i know this is probably a very controversial issue. my opinion (which you might not give a shit about, but you're reading this, aren't you?) is that they really shouldn't be used. IF YOU MUST use them, one per message max. Also, the emoticon seems to be a nervous tick like the ''LOL'' (which, I think is the WORST, way worse than the emoticon). Almost like the 'um' of the written word. You don't know what to say, so you throw in that damn smiley face whenever you feel awkward. Another nervous tick of internet dating has to be the 'haha'. I don't mind a haha when something is actually funny, but it's overused and people say it when they don't actually think anything is funny. For example, "my dog died haha :)". Not cute.

I'm also curious to hear thoughts on regular messages v. instant messages. The instant message on okcupid makes me feel violated. Especially when I haven't looked at your profile, and then I can look at it right after but you KNOW I'm looking at it (literally, they tell you) and then I don't answer so you think I'm a shallow bitch. The instant message is like going from 0-60. It's sleeping with someone on the first date. It's too much too soon. Maybe this is why I'm single, I can't even handle the instant message. Whenever I sign on I'm bombarded with awful screen names such as, 'supersexyguy" asking if i would like to chat with a ''well hung italian guy''. WHY YES! i've been searching okcupid.com for weeks now just to find an italian man with a large penis. done and done. let's meet.

Currently I have two message threads active right now. One is a guy who is creepy, but I answer because he seems nice and I feel sorry for ignoring him. I think he might be gay, which is great. He asked me, ''if you are a lawyer, why don't you buy a house instead of rent an apartment?" muahahaahaha. Also he references me going to the beach in every message, like I live at the beach and never work, which unfortunately, is not the truth. On Monday he wrote, ''i bet youre going to spend all day at the beach!". well, weirdo, you just told me i'm rich because i'm a lawyer, so wouldn't that mean I work? More nervous ticks. More autism.

The other guy seems...normal? Which is bizarre. We actually have FB friends in common. He's a prosecutor (vomit) and clearly cheap because he uses a free website like i do. Of course I'm already very into this because it is a romantic comedy waiting to happen (prosecutor and public defender fall in love via internet dating site, hilarity ensues), but we've moved on to REAL email (he even has gmail account! I always find it susper bizarre when someone uses another form of email) but he has yet to ask me to meet. I'll grow some balls and ask him, I guess. This one is only a bit autistic. He uses one emoticon per message (wish he'd stop...) and emails me from the courtroom when he's bored at work (points for not being so impressed with yourself that you don't fuck around on your phone at work, and that you have an iphone, because honestly men without iphones are a strange breed these days).

Anyway, I'm sure he's a huge freak. We'll see what happens.